


Moments from Memories

by Miss_Mil



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Episode: s01e01 Caretaker, Episode: s02e26 Basics Part 1, Episode: s03e07 Sacred Ground, Episode: s03e17 Unity, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Missing Scene, Post-Endgame, Vignette
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-20
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 21:03:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9844136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Mil/pseuds/Miss_Mil
Summary: She's the Captain. He's the First Officer. It wasn't love at first sight, and together they have moments that capture their journey.





	1. Trouble

**Author's Note:**

> A series of little scenes that came into my mind, and I was unable to flesh them out into a full fic. They have been sitting on my hard drive for many years, and the plan is to complete by the end of 2017.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kathryn Janeway was always going to be trouble to him.

* * *

 

‘I need you to be my first officer.’

‘With all due respect Captain, the Maquis have no place on a Starfleet vessel.’

She sighed, running her hand over her face. ‘We are alone here in the Delta Quadrant. You don’t have a ship. There are no planets nearby. We need to integrate these two crews if we are going to survive out here.’

‘The Maquis were doing just fine until you showed up,’ Chakotay argued.

‘You hadn’t even made it out of the vicinity of the Caretaker. You weren’t even trying to get home!’ Kathryn countered, standing up from behind her desk in her ready room, planting her hands firmly on the surface. She leant forward to look him in the eye has he challenged her again.

‘Are you going to force me to do this? Lock me up in the brig for the rest of the journey if I don’t do what you want?’

‘You have a problem with that?’ Her voice was dangerously low, her eyes hard and unyielding.

‘Yes. I will not be forced to do anything.’

‘You’re forgetting _Captain_ that you are on my ship and I was sent to capture you. I can do anything I want with you.’

Chakotay’s eyes narrowed and he flicked his gaze over the woman in front of him. She was somehow different from the other Starfleet officers he had come across. His mind had taken that comment far too suggestively for his own good. He shook his head and cleared his throat.

He wanted to challenge her, show her exactly how much damage he could do to her in a single move. He was much bigger than she, and he doubted she had the physical strength to resist him.

‘You will be my Captain then?’

‘You have a problem with that as well?’

‘No _Captain._ I love women.’

His expression remained firm but the twinkle in his eyes gave his smile away. He was clearly enjoying this.

Kathryn read his mind, pushing away from her desk and coming to stand face to face with him. ‘I think you’ll like this Starfleet Captain. She’s witty, gusty and she definitely won’t put up with any of your bullshit.’

‘Sounds delightful,’ he answered sarcastically.

They stared at each other for a moment and watched her. Her auburn hair stood out above all else, wrapped up tightly in bun and secured with pins at the top of her head. His eyes flicked to hers and he exhaled sharply. Sapphire blues stared back at him and he was slightly aware of her lips curling into an almost tell-tale smirk that suggested she knew exactly what he was thinking.  

Chakotay cleared his throat, bringing his gaze back to the metallic band on her left hand. ‘Very well, _Ma’am_ ,’ he spat the final word sarcastically. ‘I will be your first officer, but only for as long as I deem necessary.’

Kathryn stood up to her full height, drawing comfort from the uniform that sat on her shoulders and the pips that rested on her collar. ‘Although I appreciate your distinction of my gender, Commander, I prefer Captain. If _you_ don’t mind, of course.’

Without a second glance, she turned on her heel and strode out of the ready room doors, an air of grace following her as she went.

Chakotay paused for a minute to catch his breath, her perfume lingering in the air.

He was definitely in trouble.

* * *

 


	2. The First Rule

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janeway has one rule, and Chakotay better not forget it.

* * *

 

It was late at night as she stood in the doorway to his quarters; the first time she had visited him outside of normal shift hours.

‘There a problem Captain?’

She looked at him wordlessly, lifting one hand to show him a few pieces of charred of metal. Behind him, she could see a lone candle burning and a discarded book on the table next to it.

He stood perfectly still, almost as if he were pondering the pros and cons to letting the Captain into his quarters late at night when both are wearing nothing more than their night clothes.

Without a word, he turned away from her and walked back into his quarters, the door hovering open for a few seconds as Kathryn stepped abruptly inside. It seemed to be as good as invitation as any.

He returned to his book by the viewport and if he could hear her rummaging around somewhere over by his replicator, he said nothing.

He left her alone for close on fifteen minutes, and she was almost sure he was enjoying the odd, muffled curse that floated up from behind him following a hiss of pain.

Damn this ship and its technology.

‘Are you going to tell me what you are doing in my quarters, dissecting my replicator?’

The timbre of his voice echoed across the room.

‘Mine refuses to work,’ she growled, getting more violent with her actions as she threw bits of replicator around the floor. ‘I wanted to see if yours was the same on the inside.’

Chakotay chuckled. ‘I assure you, it is the same on the inside. What you see is what you get with these things.’

She glanced up sharply, narrowing her eyes as she scrutinised him. Silently she wondered if there his words could be double edged. She scowled. ‘Impossible. Mine hates me.’

He got up from his chair, padding softly over to her.

‘What makes you think that this one is any different?’

Her eyes narrowed as she surveyed his face. He gave nothing away and she refused to rise to the bait. They stared in silence for a few moments, the parts of the replicator chinking loudly as she fiddled absently with them.

‘Do you make a habit of harassing your first officers in the middle of the night to dissect their replicators?’ he said, breaking the silence.

She dumped the hypo-spanner less than delicately on the carpet, sighing as she raised her eyes to him. His heated gaze threw her for a minute, and she couldn’t stop the burn of her skin as his eyes raked over her bare shoulders, then dipping dangerously lower.

‘Only the ones I think might use their replicator to build a weapon to use against me,’ she quipped.

He raised his eyebrows. ‘Really?’ Sarcasm dripped from the word.

‘Actually no,’ she offered. ‘I just wanted coffee.’

‘Coffee?’

She grabbed the spanner again with the same intensity one usually used for a game of velocity.

‘At this time of night?’

Suddenly, she had an intense urge to throw something at him.

‘Yes,’ she stated with an air of finality that indicated his line of questioning had better wrap up soon.

‘And your replicator won’t give you coffee?’

‘My, you’re quick, Commander,’ she muttered sarcastically, jabbing the spanner in the direction of the charred metal she’d presented him with earlier.

‘That _was_ your coffee?’

She rolled her eyes. ‘Got it in one.’ 

‘Maybe your replicator wants you to quit?’

Standing abruptly, she smoothed her night gown down as much as she could before taking a step toward him. His shirt was thin in the starlight, and she could see the definition of his muscles.

She swallowed thickly. ‘Rule number one Commander,’ she paused, eyeing him fiercely.  ‘Never, _ever_ get between the Captain and her coffee.’

He took a step toward her, crowding her space and gazing down at her. ‘Well we wouldn’t want that.’ He was so close that he could see the blush rising up from between her breasts, smattering her pale skin with endearing shades of rose.

‘No,’ she breathed, her eyes fixed to his.

He pulled back suddenly, turning on his heel. ‘I’ll leave you to it then, Captain _Kathryn_.’

The misuse of her title ricocheted off the walls in his quarters. 

Her heart was slamming against her rib cage as he retreated back to the couch.

She made fast work of putting his replicator back together before getting out of there, fresh coffee in hand as she entered her own quarters.

But it wasn’t coffee that kept her awake that night.

 

Fin. 

* * *

 


	3. Attraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their attraction was inevitable, like the way matter spiralled into the event horizon of a black hole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set as an extra scene in the Seska-Stole-My-DNA Universe, sometime in season 2 after Chakotay stole that shuttle and went star hopping around the galaxy. I always got the feeling Janeway wanted to say more to him in *that* Ready Room scene.

* * *

He’d been called to the bridge to hear Seska’s message before they’d managed to finish their conversation on his discipline. Several days had passed and it had been clear to the majority of the bridge crew that all was not well with the Command team.

In truth, Chakotay had stewed over the incident, and the message from the Captain to meet in her ready room was not entirely unexpected.

At least the shuttle had come back in one piece.

Alpha shift had ended for the day, the night shift bridge crew getting themselves settled as he strode across the bridge toward the ready room doors. He was really beginning to hate this room.

Without bothering to chime, he entered rather forcefully, and the Captain looked up with mild interest as he all but barged through her doors.

An empty coffee mug sat on her desk; a stark contrast to the littering of PADD’s covering her desk.

He guessed they were reports from all heads of staff about his little adventure. Secretly, Chakotay would love to see Tuvok’s logical reasoning for his actions.

Janeway blinked at him slowly, letting the silence ebb between them.

Sometimes, he found her silence more unnerving than her firing orders.

‘Let me make one thing blindingly clear to you, _Commander,’_ Janeway spoke, her tone low and dangerous. ‘You pull a stunt like that again and you will spend the rest of this journey in the brig.’

‘May I presume you are referring to my violation of your orders, Captain?’ His question was straight forward and to the point.

She nodded tensely. ‘But, I meant what I said, you’re only going to go on report.’

He scoffed. ‘Then what’s the idea behind this little disciplinary chat?’ the words came out harsher than he intended.

His anger at Seska’s revelation was coming out. And he was having a hard time trying to suppress it.

‘You had a personal score to settle. That _can’t_ happen again.’

He continued to stare at her across her ready room desk, his hands remaining folded in his lap calmly. ‘I believe you have already made that clear, Captain.’

She stood abruptly and paced toward her replicator before continuing. ‘I don’t have the luxury of putting you in the brig at the moment. I need you far too much for that.’

Chakotay cleared his throat. ‘You need me?’

She stayed silent for a moment, ordering her coffee from the replicator before turning back toward him. Her face gave nothing away. ‘Of course.’  

If there was a second meaning behind her words, Chakotay couldn’t find any. But the words hit him unexpectedly, and conjured up all sorts of images he forced down.

Janeway never said anything without purpose, and he was left wondering what _exactly_ she had meant by her choice of syntax.  

They continued to stare at each other across the expanse of her ready room.

‘So, you won’t lock me in the brig because it doesn’t fit in with your plan?’ he growled. ‘I meant what I said, I won’t be your token Maquis officer.’

She didn’t rise to his anger. Instead, she merely stared at him calmly, her teeth coming out to play with the corner of her mouth as she thought things over.

‘I am not asking you to be,’ she stated simply. ‘But you cannot go running around the galaxy alone every time you think it’s the right thing to do.’

His jaw remained locked, his teeth clenching together. ‘She _manipulated_ me. She _used_ my feelings and played on it.’

The Captain shrugged lightly. ‘Sometimes these things happen.’

He stood abruptly, the chair moving backwards slightly in his haste. ‘These things _happen_?’

He almost shouted.

‘Commander, you are not the first man to be spurned by a woman. And I daresay you will not be the last.’

Her blunt statement took him by surprise, and her honesty sunk past the bubbling anger.

B’Elanna was right; he had poor taste in women.

He retreated a bit, and spoke quietly. ‘She stole my DNA.’

Janeway arched an eyebrow primly, either ignoring his statement or failing to hear it. ‘I know you’re angry.’

Striding toward her with purpose, he towered over her dangerously. ‘You have no idea.’ The defiant lift of her chin came as she refused to be intimidated by him.

His fists clenched at his sides. ‘To think I now have a _child._ With _Seska_ ,’ he spat.

She remained quiet, placating him with a hand on his chest. ‘You don’t have one yet. Don’t forget how manipulating she can be, Commander.’

He stepped back from her, her hand falling away from his chest as his anger faded.  ‘Yes, Captain.’

She nodded briskly, effectively ending their conversation as she strode back to her desk and picked up a PADD.

He stood for a moment, watching her with interest and the way her fingers skimmed over the screen in her hand. Although he knew from her file she was engaged, the slender digits showed no sign of a metal band on either hand.

She looked up at him, blue eyes giving away her surprise to see him still standing there watching her. Her eyebrows raised slightly, and he grimaced tight smile before exiting the ready room with the same haste with which he’d entered.

The bridge crew gave him little heed as he made his way to the turbolift. His thoughts flittered back to Janeway and their conversation, his anger and the hand the Captain had placed gently on his chest.

He could almost feel the burn through the fabric of his jacket as a sudden thought struck him with a lurch in his stomach.

He liked her.

She was good for him.

Fin.

 

* * *

 


	4. Stranded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes the barriers came down...

* * *

‘Thank you for getting the fire started, Commander,’ her husky voice had carried to him, echoing off the walls in the cave behind her.

Chakotay nodded silently, holding his rudimentary spear tighter than he probably needed to.

‘Even if it did cost me some hair,’ she laughed, coming to stand beside him.

The environment in front of them was harsh, unforgiving.

“Pre-Warp Society” didn’t even begin to cover it.

Chakotay shrugged. ‘It was the least I could do.’

‘Well, little Naomi is certainly sleeping a bit better,’ she spoke, folding her arms across her chest against the cool breeze.

‘Glad to hear it.’

He could feel her eyes searching his face, looking for the reason for his indifference.

‘Everything alright, Commander?’

He paused for a moment, refusing to look at her. ‘It’s my fault we are stuck here. _Seska,’_ he almost spat the name. ‘Has once again manipulated me.’

The burn of embarrassment was climbing up his neck.

Janeway placed her hand softly on his arm, the coolness searing through the thin fabric.

‘None of this is your fault,’ she stated firmly. ‘Seska manipulated all of us.’

He balled a fist in frustration. ‘Yes but, she had my child,’ he ground out, the words feeling foreign on his tongue.

Janeway sighed, and turned back toward their barren landscape. ‘Remember what I said to you months ago, Chakotay.’

Her words came back to him, a conversation months before in her ready room when he’d taken the shuttle and gone traipsing around the delta quadrant.

The disappointment on her face was something that he still carried.

Loose tendrils of her hair gently touched the back of his neck, the breeze carrying the strands closer to him than she’d ever dare stand.

He was suddenly _very_ aware of her.

‘You should try to sleep, Captain.’

‘Very well.’ She nodded slowly, searching him with her eyes. ‘Goodnight, Commander.’

Her hand slipped from his arm as she turned away.

Her voice haunted his thoughts long after she’d disappeared back into the cave.

* * *

He found her right where he knew she would be.

As far up the back of the cave as the walls would allow, her small form curled in sleep. She was far away from the small blazes of flames, allowing the rest of their congregation to have the warmth.

He couldn’t help but smile at her.

She had been unfailingly strong since they had been left here; her feelings and emotions carefully concealed, but this small act of kindness spoke more to him than her words of denial.

She would always put others before her, despite the tough exterior she flaunted around.

She was curled up on her right side, her arm under her head as some sort of pillow and even in her sleep, she was shivering. He watched her for a long moment, his heart pounding in a way that wasn’t unexpected.

He realised with a pang that he missed watching her in her sleep, the way he had so many times before on a planet many miles away from here.

He remembered how he would stand still for a moment, observing her breathing, the way her eyelashes fluttered against her pale cheeks, the way her hair, freed from its usual bun in daylight hours, spilled across her shoulders and down her back, brushing her face and pillow in its meandering waterfall.

She was always beautiful. But there was something vulnerable, unguarded about the way she slept, and it gave him hope.

He walked quickly to her side and knelt down.

Gently, he removed his jacket and tucked it around her shoulders, his fingers whispering against her cheek, her hair, despite his best efforts to avoid touching her.  

He wasn’t sure he could ever stop.

She sighed contentedly at the sudden warmth and snuggled deeper. He half-rose to go, to find his own place to rest for the night, but something held him.

Frozen, he stood staring at her.

‘I believe the Captain will need some form of warmth for the night, Commander.’

Tuvok startled him from his internal battle.

‘Tuvok?’ he asked, eyeing the Vulcan with caution.

If it was possible, Tuvok merely raised an eyebrow slightly, inclining his head before turning away.

He seriously doubted that the approval of her Security Officer was going to make this less-awkward for the Captain.

With a sigh, he gave up and settled down behind Janeway, stifling a groan as a rock speared his side. It was certainly not the most comfortable place he’d been marooned.

He felt himself relax, sinking into the ground beneath him. The horrors of the day receded, leaving only the peace that was like a companion to her presence.

His breath rose and fell to meet hers, and soon he too was asleep.

* * *

Chakotay woke to a dim gray light filtering through the entrance to the cave. Around him the air was quiet, with only an occasional muffled breath or rustle of clothing to indicate that he and the Captain were not alone.

He rose, stretching to relieve the tightness that had infiltrated his muscles from holding himself so very still throughout the night.

Janeway was still sleeping, only visible for the tuft of red hair that poked out of the neck of his uniform jacket.

He watched her for precious seconds longer, then, before he could stop himself, leaned down and brushed his lips across hers. She did not awaken, but she murmured in her sleep, and a slight smile curved across her face.

He closed his eyes for a moment, wishing that he could remain with her, wishing that she would let him be something more.

Brushing the dust from his uniform trousers, he set off to manage the fires that had dimmed throughout the night.

When she woke up, his jacket would still be there; the only sign that she hadn’t spent the cold night alone.

And for now, that was going to have to be enough.

 

Fin.

* * *

 


	5. Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kathryn has some thinking to do after Seska strands them on that god damn planet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set after 'Basics I & II'. A kind of missing scene, if you will.

* * *

She inhales deeply, the cold air hurting her lungs as they expand. Mesmerised, she watchs the way the icy rain splatters on the ground, droplets of water disturbing the mud at her feet.

‘Captain?’

His voice cuts into her thoughts as she stands on the edge of the cliff, peering down at the rolling waves below. The water hits the cliff base with frightening force, foaming on the rocks as they batter the earth and mix with the rain. 

‘Captain,’ he states when he’d finally reaches her.

She turns to him, peering at him through the torrential rain currently teeming into her eyes.

‘Commander?’

‘What are you doing in here?’ he asks with an air of impatience. ‘It’s absolutely pouring and you’ll get sick.’

She is slightly touched by his concern, but arches an eyebrow primly at him. ‘It’s _holographic_ rain, Commander.’

He bolsters slightly, but doesn’t answer.

She leans forward into him and whispers conspiratorially. ‘I think I’m safe.’

He clears his throat and stands back from her, squinting as the rain pours over his face.

The slight blush is almost visible on his darkened skin.

She turns back to the sea, watching it with an awe and sense of peace that she hasn’t felt since the array stranded them in the Delta Quadrant.

‘I used to come here sometimes when I needed to think,’ she states softly, her eyes roving the expanse of dark blue before her.

Chakotay seems to recognise her need to talk, and waits as she lapses into silence again, gathering her thoughts. It strikes her at just how well they had become to know each in the short years of their journey.  

‘What do you need to think about today?’ he asks when she fails to speak, his voice grating against the sound of the rain in her ears.

‘Everything,’ she states simply. ‘Nothing.’

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees the way he smiles at her indecisive answer.

‘The burden of command?’ he ventures quietly.

She shrugs. ‘Something like that.’

He watches her solemnly, hands clasping behind his back.

‘I decided after being stranded on that planet that I missed the rain,’ she breathes, holding her hand up to catch a few droplets, frowning slightly as they slip through the joins of her slender fingers.

‘It wasn’t your fault that we ended up stranded there, Captain.’

She knows he is referring to the barren planet they’d ended up on after the Kazon had taken over _Voyager_.

The fact he can follow her thoughts still surprises her. But it probably shouldn’t.

‘Wasn’t it?’ she asks, turning to face him with an expression of disbelief. ‘It’s always the Captain’s fault.’

‘No, not this time,’ he says firmly.

She ignores the fact that they both know there will be a next time.

The deep brown of his eyes is hard to make out in the rain, the dim light now moving in fast. ‘I hope you’re right,’ she murmurs so softly that she is sure he won’t hear her over the rain and the waves pounding below their feet.

His hand on her shoulder startles her, jumping slightly at the contact. It’s been so long since she’s had any form of contact and she hopes to God he can’t feel the bones of her shoulder through the uniform.  

She knows he’d lecture her to eat more.

But the truth is Neelix’s cooking is just terrible.

And she struggles to force the food down past the guilt.

Somehow, she knows that he _knows._ And that’s the reasoning behind his offers for dinner in his quarters 

‘You’re wet,’ she states, her hand grasping the sleeve of the arm on her shoulder.

‘Yes,’ he chuckles. ‘I can just order the computer to stop the rain.’

She sighs. ‘Leave it. At the moment, it’s as close to real as I can get.’

He nods at her, his hand slipping from her shoulder as she turns back to stare out at the ocean and the sun slipping away behind the clouds.

It’s strikingly beautiful.

And it hurts her when she thinks of home.

‘I hope this helps you, Captain,’ he says genuinely, and if she listens hard enough she can almost hear the roll of her first name coming off his tongue instead.

She closes her eyes in response, dipping her head slightly and whispering ‘Thank you, Commander.’

That’s all he can be to her, and a part of her hopes he can understand.

That this growing attraction between them can never go past their titles.

‘Let me know when you’d like a holographic umbrella’ he smiles softly. ‘Or some dry clothes.’ She can almost see the wink as he turns on his heel and treks back down the path to the door.

A strange warmth spreads in her stomach, and a calm settles over in a way she’s never felt before. The knowledge that they are growing closer than ever gnaws at her in a way that she knows it shouldn’t.

But she is powerless to stop it.

The rain continues to fall around her.

At last she remembers to breathe.

 

Fin.

* * *

 


	6. Drunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, he didn't need alcohol to get drunk with Kathryn Janeway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set after the events of 'Sacred Ground'.

* * *

It was a cold evening on a planet somewhere in the Delta Quadrant, and once again the crew of the USS _Voyager_ had been pestered into attending a ‘cultural’ event.

The Captain had demanded that everyone, minus a skeleton crew, was to attend.

Tuvok had just jumped at the chance to remain behind.

Chakotay had supressed an audible groan as the Vulcan had almost smirked in triumph.

That had been hours ago, and now he stood in amongst their latest allies, shifting uncomfortably in his dress uniform that had spent the most part of their previous three years gathering the proverbial dust in the closet.

The shoes were honestly the worst part.

The Captain had stood slightly out of the spotlight for the majority of the night, deciding to hover close by the bar.

Chakotay had a sneaking suspicion she was monitoring the drink situation with the crew after the disaster that was ‘Tom’s Moonshine Party’.

He supressed a grin.

A drunken Kathryn Janeway was something he never wanted to forget.

He doubted that she had forgotten it either.

He stood quietly observing her from the shadows without fear of being caught. In truth, he had hardly spent any time with her and the months had ebbed by since their stranding on the barren planet, and his guilt slowly with it.

The memory of her snuggled close to him kept him going through the dark times; the way she had burrowed herself into his jacket as she slept.

He had never seen that jacket again.

There was a sneaking suspicion that it too was gathering dust in her closet.

He’d began to forge ahead in recent weeks, and create a friendship with the woman who had stood between him and Paris in their very first meeting.

He’d realised very quickly in those first few crucial moments that the petite, auburn-haired Captain would do almost anything to protect her crew.

And she’d never leave anyone behind.

Her recent experience with Kes and the sacred ritual had proven as much.

Her beautiful face still bore the remnants of her sleepless days, and the weight-loss she could ill-afford.

He took a deep breath, and strode with purpose in her general direction.

‘Kathryn,’ Chakotay spoke, walking over to the Captain as she stood by the bar.

Her attention turned on him, and she titled her head with grace. Her elbows rested on the hard surface, and she watched the crew with interest.

‘I do believe I only gave you permission to use that title on a certain planet, Commander,’ she smiled slowly, taking a small sip of the amber liquid from the glass in her hand.

The slight tinge of her lipstick remained stained on the glass.

He found it utterly hypnotising.

The trees and serenity of New Earth loomed before him; committed to memory as vibrantly as he dared.

They both knew that it was dangerous territory.  

He opted for indifference, shrugging nonchalantly.

‘Maybe. But we are also not on _Voyager.’_

She regarded at him solemnly, eyebrows raised in silent question. ‘No, we aren’t,’ she agreed.  

He turned, mimicking her stance to lean back against the bar and watch out over the crew.

There were going to be a few sore heads tomorrow.

‘Some party,’ she snorted.

He chuckled. ‘You look tense.’

The corner of her mouth twitched. The response was expected. ‘I’m fine.’

‘Well you might be fine,’ Chakotay countered, ‘But that ambassador over there looks positively pained.’

He flicked his head in the general direction of a man who also stood in the shadows, a scowl on his face as he cradled some part of his anatomy Chakotay would rather not think about.

Janeway snorted. ‘Yes well, that _Ambassador_ has wandering hands.’

He nearly sucked his drink right into his lungs.

‘What?’ he spluttered.

She arched an eyebrow primly at him, shrugging slightly. Her slender fingers drummed rhythmically on the glass on her hand.

The lipstick stain had grown stronger; the deep red a stark contrast to the paleness of her fingers.

She took a slow, agonising drink as she surveyed him over the rim of her glass.

He stared at her, almost afraid to ask exactly what she had done to that ambassador to make him look so… _uncomfortable._

A smile appeared in front of him. ‘You don’t think that these Starfleet issue boots have heels purely to make me look tall, do you?’

The smirk on her face was one he wanted to remember forever. It was entirely possible that the alcohol she was sipping had something to do with it.

Her eyes were bright. Her hair was in slight disarray, with auburn tendrils falling from the bun and draping elegantly around her face.

She looked positively radiant as she surveyed her crew.

‘At least your shoes are comfortable,’ he muttered, tugging his ear.

She snorted in a way that could only be sarcastically. It was so quiet that he almost missed it, but she didn’t comment.

‘It’s nice to see them enjoying themselves,’ she mused.

He watched her out of the corner of his eye. ‘And how about their Captain?’

She held the drink to her lips longer than was probably necessary. ‘Oh, she’s fine.’

His eyebrow quirked up in a disbelieving look.

A glance out of the corner of her eye told him that she wasn’t buying her answer either.

She sighed. ‘Actually, she’s tired.’

He turned to face her squarely. His eyes roamed her profile, tracing the lines of tiredness under her eyes, the creases of stress that etched the corners of her mouth.

‘I thought so,’ he said seriously. ‘So, what can her first officer do to make her burden lighter?’

The way her eyes immediately snapped to his, and blue eyes searched his face hesitantly made him instantly regret his choice of syntax.

His was transfixed by the way her throat moved as she swallowed, and the glistening of whiskey on her upper lip.

Her empty glass hit the bar with a resounding thud.

‘He can stop her from drinking too much,’ she breathed. ‘And doing something she might regret.’

Suddenly, he was _too_ close to her.

He could smell her perfume. He could see the way her blue eyes darkened in the dim light.

The need to kiss her was overwhelming. He wanted to taste that whiskey from her lips, push her back into that bar with his entire body until her hands roamed into his hair and pulled against the strands with frightening force.

But instead, he stepped back.

A cool breeze brushed between them.

‘Goodnight, Kathryn.’

Her eyes betrayed her want as she answered him huskily. ‘Goodnight, Chakotay.’

As he turned away, and disappeared back into the crowd, he realised that without a doubt, he was entirely drunk on this woman.

He was drunk just on the _thought_ of her.

 

Fin. 

* * *

 

 


	7. Redemption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life should become easier when you learn to accept an apology. Only sometimes, it isn't the apology you want.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set directly after s03e17 'Unity'. Because, we all know that episode sucked.
> 
> Huge thank you to Helen8462 for her beta skills.

* * *

‘I feel like I need to apologise to you.’

His words are sharp and clear, and they startle her from her reading. Glancing up, Janeway eyes him in the doorway, shadows dancing about him in a way that made it a little impossible for her to know exactly what he is thinking.

She hasn’t even heard the chime.

‘What for?’ she asks neutrally, lowering the book and sitting up a little straighter; her bare feet hit the carpet with a little thud.

He fidgets in the doorway; tentatively, he moves slightly, and effectively avoids stepping too far forward into her quarters.

It isn’t like him to be so timid, and so hesitant. The light from the corridor frames him in the doorway.

She places her book down, slowly, carefully, and watches him with silent eyes.

She’d be lying to herself if she said that she hasn’t expected him to come around at some point after their encounter with what was left of a Borg collective.

She’d also be lying if she said she was apprehensive about what he has to say. Because she _knows_ what he will say.

And, she really doesn’t want to hear it.

He fidgets again, and she can feel herself beginning to lose patience. Her words are a little sharper than she intends. ‘Are you going to speak?’

She can almost see him flinch, but he stands steadfast and passive. His hands are folded behind his back in a gesture that’s heart-achingly familiar.

His form moves in a little closer, and the doors swish shut behind him. A sigh of relief escapes her as the doors seal; at least the odd crewman won’t jump to the conclusions that are bound to come with the First Officer entering that Captain’s quarters at inappropriate hours.

They stare at each other across the expanse of the room, and her breath hitches involuntarily as she waits for him to break the silence.

Only, he continues to search her face with dark eyes, knowing full well that she doesn’t want him to be here. Standing in her quarters and out of uniform

‘I wanted to explain.’

‘Explain?’

‘Riley.’

The simple word hits her like a small bucket of ice water, and she feels the atmosphere in the room shift. She feels an inexplicable need to _get out_.

‘Commander,’ she starts, swallowing roughly. ‘You don’t need to – ‘

But he cuts her off, pushing across her quarters in far too strides.

‘No,’ he says, firmly.

Her book falls off the edge of the coffee table, hitting the floor with a resounding thud. She startles, covering the involuntary movement by jumping to her feet. Her eyes never leave his.

‘I _want_ to.’

The three words reach her ears, and internally she begins to scream. She definitely does not want him to explain. She doesn’t need him to.

Whatever they have, it is buried under the burden of command. Born out of necessity to get their two crews home. Forged from a shared desire to survive at all costs, and strengthened only by their forced reprieve on an alien planet.

She’s brushed it off so many times and swept it neatly into the box that labels it as something that happens between a command team. Only theirs is much stronger, because they are alone here and she is a woman, and he is very much a man.

And now he stands in front of her, justifying something that shouldn’t have even been an issue between them.

Only it is, and she _knows_ why.

He bends down, picking up her book. His large hands enclose over the leather covers, fingers thumbing through ancient pages of love letters throughout the ages before placing it down gently on the table.

If he is surprised at her choice of late-night reading material, he doesn’t show it.

Her eyes have never left his form, and when she doesn’t protest to his actions, he begins to speak again.

‘Paris once said to me that one day, you’d look someone and know instantly that it was wrong,’ he starts softly, watching her when she raises her eyebrow. ‘But, you’d fall for them anyway.’

She lets him finish, the simple words echoing in her head. Internally, she flinches, unable to shake that sinking feeling that the words were hitting a little too close to home.

They are still standing toe-to-toe, her neck beginning to ache painfully from the angle she’s holding to look up at him. She lowers her gaze, folding her arms across her centre, tracing patterns on the carpet with her eyes.

She wants to ask him what the Doctor said. To ask him when he will be fit for duty, and if there is any residual damage from his link to the collective. She wants to say _something_ , anything that will build the foundations to those walls again and put an end to this personal conversation.

Because she isn’t allowed to have these conversations.

Only, she can’t help herself.

‘And, did you?’ she asks, tentatively. She peers up at him from under her lashes.

He blinks for a moment, clearing his thoughts away. ‘Did I what?’

She’s suddenly shy, and not at all like the Captain she is supposed to be during the daylight hours. Only there is no daylight on a starship and its beginning to get harder and harder to distinguish between the Captain and the woman beneath. The Captain never seems to rest, and she never seems to forget her duty.

‘Fall for her?’ she whispers, breathily. She can almost feel him go rigid as he fights with himself over what he should say. If he should voice the feelings that they have so vehemently denied since their return to _Voyager_.

The atmosphere is charged between them. Pinpricks of lust are beginning to spark, and that need to step back and get out is rapidly reasserting itself in her very being.

‘No,’ he says, and she can’t shake the feeling that he is being completely open and honest.

It’s his most admirable quality, and most decidedly his flaw.

‘I already have that with someone else.’

His words shatter through her, and penetrate into her soul. She feels it in her bones, and she knows she will never, ever have reason to doubt his words. His words in this very moment are going to sustain her, and she will always rely on them. They are going to always define them.

She just _knows._ This is there moment.

‘Then,’ she says. ‘You have no need to explain, or apologise.’

He takes her words for what they are: a dismissal. He steps back, avoiding the coffee table with a grace that defies his size. He picks up her book again, holding it out carefully.

She swallows roughly, inclining her head ever so slightly if only to prevent him from seeing the slight blush creeping up her neck. They studiously avoid a brush of the fingers as she takes her book again.

‘Goodnight, Kathryn.’

His words are gentle, and she thinks to herself that she could hear those two words for the rest of her life if she let herself.

Her eyes fall close as she whispers her reply. ‘Night.’

Only he is already to the door of her quarters, and so spoke so quietly that she highly doubts he would have heard her. The doors swish open at his approach, and he pauses in the doorway.

It’s almost as if he is going to say something, and his head turns to look at her briefly from over his broad shoulder. The heat in the gaze is unmistakable, even in the dark, but it’s marred by something else.  

She thinks it’s probably a reflection of the combination of the disappointment and intense longing she feels deep down in herself. Offering a ghost of a smile, she watches him turn around, and then he is gone.

Fin.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the hiatus from writing. Unfortunately, I actually had to force myself to study for exams.


	8. A Winter Tale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little surprise on a snowy winter night. Set sometime post 'Endgame'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little fluff piece that is missing my usual angst. And I have an overwhelming urge to cuddle babies. I don't even like children.

* * *

 

‘I’m sorry, Sir. The transporters are down with the snow storm. You’ll have to wait here until it clears,’ the young Ensign spoke to him from behind the control panel as he materialised on the deck. 

Chakotay straightened up. ‘How long, Ensign? I’m in kind of a hurry.’

She had the good grace to look slightly embarrassed. ‘I don’t know, Sir. It’s been going most of the night.’

‘Okay,’ he conceded, dropping his bag with a rough thud on the floor. ‘What about ground vehicles?’

The Ensign shook her blonde head. ‘No, the roads are also blocked.’

He almost growled in frustration.

‘Well then, how far to the hospital from here?'

The Ensign jumped out from behind her console in alarm. ‘A few miles. But Sir, you can’t –.‘

Chakotay had barged out the door before he had the chance to hear the rest of her sentence.

* * *

The snow was relentless, coming down in endless flurries. It was peaceful compared to the panic pounding its way through his system.

He was running.

His trousers were soaked from the snow, and his knees were starting to ache as he ploughed he was down what he hoped was the road. He was starting to think that pushing his way through four feet of snow in the middle of the night was not his finest moment.

He paused for a moment, and dropped his bag. His breathing was heavy and the batteries on the torch were running out.

Kathryn.

She needed him. The fear that had been bubbling below the surface since the message had been received had never really gone away.

_Voyager_ had been away for a few weeks, travelling at high warp and unable to receive any sub-space transmissions. The blinking light on his terminal had made his stomach lurch when they’d finally neared Earth again.

He checked his watch. Thirty minutes since that message had been played.

Thirty minutes longer than Kathryn should have had to wait.

He threw his bag over his shoulder and surged forward, his lungs burning in the frigid air.

Forty minutes.

Lights appeared through the swirling snow and he almost screamed with relief.

He’d made it.

His watch beeped.

Fifty minutes.

The doors to the building swished open at his arrival, snow following him in with a whoosh of strong wind.

He shook the ice from his hair.

He was sure he must have looked a sight as he barrelled his way down the hallway toward the reception desk, bits of snow and ice coming off him in chunks.  

He wasn’t even sure he had done up his jacket properly.

‘My wife was brought in – ‘

The nurse cut him off. ‘Yes, Admiral Janeway?’

Chakotay nodded.

‘She’s in room 406, Sir,’ she pointed down the hall.

He all but scooted away.

He expected the corridors to be empty at this time of night, but then the Doctor was walking toward him, smiling warmly. ‘Captain! Lovely to see you again.’

Chakotay waved his hand, swallowing his nerves and trying to be polite. ‘Doctor. What happened? How is she?’

The Doctor smiled again, and if Chakotay didn’t know any better he would say it was almost patronising. ‘I’ll let her fill you in, Captain.’

He almost strangled his little holographic neck.

‘But, in true Janeway fashion,’ the Doctor continued. ‘She will be fine.’

Taking a deep breath, he thanked the Doctor and continued to the room on the right. He actually found that for a brief moment, he missed the hologram’s presence in the Voyager sick bay.

He found himself stopping in the doorway, butterflies in his stomach with full force. He looked down at the corner of the jacket, scrunched in to a ball with the zip now well and truly needing replacement.

He’d been scared, and he wasn’t ever going to be able to imagine a life without Kathryn Janeway. To bring her home from the Delta Quadrant to lose her again would be too much to fathom.

With a breath, he stepped into the room.

‘Kathryn,’ he breathed.

She was sitting up quietly, wearing one of those blue medical gowns he hated and could count on both hands the times she’d worn one.

Somehow, she was smaller in the bed, her bright blue eyes unusually dull as she spoke softly with the nurse.

Her voice was husky and low.

He moved to the foot of her bed, and touched her leg slightly.

She looked up and smiled, recognising him even with all the white still tumbling away.

‘You’re wet.’

He grimaced. ‘I know, I had to run from the transporter station.’

She raised her eyebrows but didn’t comment any further.

‘You missed it,’ she stated simply. Her eyes looked pained. Her normally elegant hair was falling in dull waves down one shoulder.

He liked that she’d started to grow it long again.

‘I know,’ he said. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘And I don’t think trudging through the snow from the transporter station was the best idea.’

He grimaced. ‘I had to get to you.’

She reached forward, stretching out a pale hand. The nurse put a gentle hand on her shoulder. ‘Easy Admiral, you’ve lost a bit of blood today.’

Kathryn sank back, sighing.

‘What happened?’ he breathed, coming around to her side. He had an overwhelming urge to kiss the top of her head.

‘Well,’ she smiled. ‘I was walking Cara. The snow was so fresh, and I just had to get out.’

Chakotay suppressed a groan at the mention of the dog. He’d never understand why Kathryn loved her so much.

‘I didn’t feel so good,’ she continued. ‘But I’d been locked up inside for so long Chakotay,’ she whined.

He found her hand, and squeezed it softly.

‘And that was the last thing I remembered,’ she shrugged. ‘I woke up here. It hurt. _A lot.’_

‘And?’ he prompted softly. The turmoil was slowly ebbing away in his gut.

‘Did you bring my ship back in one piece?’ she asked, narrowing her eyes at him.

‘Kathryn,’ he chided softly.

She blinked slowly, gesturing with her hand. ‘Alright. See for yourself.’

He’d failed to notice the small crib in the corner of the room, the lights flashing softly in the dim light of the room.

His heart pounded against his ribs as he made his way to the crib and looked in. A tiny, noise-making bundle wrapped in pink stared back at him.

‘Congratulations, Daddy,’ her husky voice sounded somewhere behind him.

He reached forward, and picked up the bundle, cradling the head softly. A tiny fist waved in protest. He was just astounded.

‘She’s tiny,’ he breathed.

Kathryn let out a breathy laugh. ‘Well she was six weeks too early.’

Chakotay moved over to Kathryn, holding the tiny baby close to his chest. ‘She’s perfect.’

‘She’s her impatient father’s daughter all right.’

He smiled, and stroked the tuft of dark hair. Dark blue eyes gazed back at him. ‘Maybe, but she has your eyes.’

Kathryn blinked for a moment, holding out her arms to take the little package. ‘They might change,’ she murmured softly.

‘I hope not.’

‘More importantly Captain,’ she said as she stroked the baby’s cheek. ‘Did you bring my ship back in one piece?’

He laughed. ‘Always’.

 

Fin.


End file.
